It has been a long time since I have blogged. In fact, for a while I was second guessing this little blog of mine, thinking I might just throw in the towel…
But, that is not in my nature. So here I am at 7:45 am, staring at this screen allowing my creativity to come naturally. There is something so peaceful about waking up when the world is still asleep. Yesterday I slept in until noon, and while that was needed, I think I much prefer to wake early and enjoy the cool morning air and quietness. I am loving just laying in bed looking out the window at nature and it’s stillness.
Which brings me to today’s topic – cutting ties.
Not with a person, but rather with a…something.
It has been about a week since I disabled my Instagram account. Now you may be thinking…
WHAT? WHY would you do that? How can you live like that? How will you survive? Which, I think is a common response.
OR, you may be thinking…
So what? It is just an IG account – and if that is the case, I applaud you.
You see, Instagram has always been a struggle for me. It’s like a game of tug-o-war. It is a double edge sword. Yes, it has blessed me with the opportunity to follow and meet some amazing individuals who share similar struggles, but it has also lead me into this spiral of self-absorbed negativity. As much as I hate to admit that – I’m putting it all out on the table.
Instead of enjoying the moment, I would think about what would be the best picture. My mind would be focused on how I look (which I have enough problems with anyway, thanks to mental illness), how my pictures can look their best, what arrange of pictures I would include on my account to tie the whole thing together, and so on.
Is that really anyway to live??
Sure – it was also good promotion for this little blog. But then that begs the question: What am I blogging for? Who am I blogging for?
Am I blogging to make my blog well-known and gain some notoriety? Am I blogging for others? Or am I blogging for myself?
I like to think that I am blogging for others AND for myself. You know what? Who cares if my blog isn’t well known. That isn’t what matters to me. I write for the sake of writing. I write because I love it. Writing is a way to express oneself – I think one of the best creative outlets there is. While I blog to (hopefully) help and connect with others and provide them with some hope, I am also writing for me. There is something so freeing about sitting down and writing a story, or writing whatever is on my mind, documenting my journey as I grow and change.
So I am thankful for that anxiety/OCD attack that lead me to disabling my Instagram. It started out as a compulsion, and lead to something beautiful. This past week I have actually had time to do other things. Rather than scrolling through Instagram at night, I have started some new Netflix series, journaled in my new little sloth journal from Barnes and Noble, and colored. I spent time enjoying my own company. I could get more school work done. Who knows, maybe in the near future I will completely delete my IG account. And you know what? I think I would be okay with it.
But what I don’t think I would be okay with, is getting rid of this blog. Every blogger will go through a rut from time to time when writing will be challenging. When nothing seems to come to mind. When one feels a creative block. It is about working through that and knowing that something, in time, will come. It does not always have to be so planned or forced. Then again, that goes back to the purpose of one’s blog – and everyone is different. I am not suggesting that there is a good or bad way to blog. However, the only slippery slope is when we get so wrapped up in technology and the digital world, that we stop living in the real world.
This is dangerous, and it is SO EASY to do.
So I will continue to blog. I will continue to write. I don’t know how many people this blog reaches, but if it touches just one person, I am happy.
And – you will not be able to find me on IG. You can find me on Facebook, but I rarely go on or post. Same with twitter. I like it that way. I think I am going to keep it that way.
This blog is really my only means of connection outside my actual life. It is my outlet which hopefully helps or inspires some of you. Because it comes down to this: I write to grow and create.
Who wants to join me on this journey?