Blackbird, Fly

It was a rainy afternoon with not much going on. I was inside my family home playing with my dog. She loves her toys, and can be a ball of energy when she wants to be. My mom was cleaning, and had Alexa playing her favorite songs. “Blackbird” by The Beatles started to play, and my mom began to sing along. “I love this song!” she said, as her face lit up. Rarely does my mom listen to music, and it was nice to see her enjoying her old favorites. I have heard this song quite a few times, but never really listened to the lyrics up until that point. “Are you my little blackbird?” my mom asked. I smiled. It was a meaningful, almost heavy smile, because as I listened to the song, a surge of emotions ran through me. I felt as if this song was speaking to me, and I could not believe I never bothered to really listen sooner. I fell in love with the melody, with the lyrics.

You see, throughout the last seven or eight years, I have been to hell and back. I lost myself. I felt trapped in this living nightmare and I did not know how to break free. Anorexia had a strong hold on me. Quite honestly, I never thought I would ever get better. I thought Anorexia was my life sentence. Then, something happened. A switch went off, or maybe it was years of hard work I did not even realize, because it WAS difficult. So difficult. The greatest struggle I have ever had to endure. BUT – I broke out of that spiral of self-destruction. I still struggle with anxiety, quite a bit sometimes, and my body image could definitely use some work, but I am getting there. I am growing. I am improving. I am learning to love me. It is a slow process that sometimes seems non existent from how it just inches along at times.

“Take these sunken eyes and learn to see.”

At my worst, I was skeletal. Bones protruding, dark circles under my eyes, and a pale, lifeless face. An additional 30 lbs, 2 inpatient stays, and one hospital trip later, I am here to tell my story. My eyes have life again, and I can see much more clearly than when I was bound by my eating disorder. I was blind to the truth, to what really matters in life.

“Take these broken wings and learn to fly.”

I was broken. Completely and utterly shattered – left to pick up these pieces that were scattered every which way. There were so many moments I did not believe or know how I would make it through. But I’ve taken this struggle, this immense obstacle I was faced with, and have tried to find the good from it. My broken wings are being mended and repaired a little more each day. I know there is a long road ahead. I am just in the beginning stages of overcoming my anxiety and OCD, but the eating disorder, the life-sucking parasite that plagued me for seven years, no longer has a hold on me. I am proud of myself, but even more so: thankful, oh so thankful. I could not have done this without God. I am forever grateful.

Despite my current limitations with anxiety and physical illness, I am learning to fly.

Much love,

That little Blackbird ❤

Ch-Ch-Changes

Hi everyone! It has been a while.

I re-vamped my site, AGAIN…I can be the most indecisive person you will ever meet. But I am pleased to say that I am finally happy with it. I want to get into the habit of blogging more. I really do love it because it is such a good outlet for me, and I like to think that it may just help others, too. However, my own mental blocks always get in the way. Either I have a lack of creative juices flowing, or I think, “why would anyone even care what I have to say…?” That, I know, is my total lack of self-confidence and anxious personality rearing it’s ugly head. It tends to do that, but I am a work in progress.

Now, I know a while ago I wrote about social media and how I deleted my IG. I want to bring this up, because I actually re-created a new IG account. After a couple month break, I decided to bring that platform back into my life. The break was so nice, a breath of fresh air! The interesting thing though, is that I went from taking pictures like crazy, to taking none at all. I think this break from social media was much needed, but I want to try to bring balance back into my life. I firmly believe that it IS possible to have social media accounts without going overboard, without it controlling and taking over your life, without it being this negative force that it turned into for me. I know my personality. I understand the disorders that I have. I am aware of my flaws. Instead of completely erasing IG from my life, I realized that instead, I can do things differently. I can find a healthy balance. It does not have to be all or nothing. Finding balance is something I need to work on in every aspect of my life, and I think I am strong enough and able to achieve this healthy balance when it comes to social media. Speaking of balance, my previous blog was @bearfindingbalance. In case you have not noticed, I changed my domain name and main name of my website. Though balance will always be one of my major themes and something that I strive for in my life, I thought @blackbirdflyyy was more appropriate at this time. There is a little story and a lot of meaning behind why I chose that name, but that is for another post – I want this to just be an update on all the changes I am doing!

Anyway, I hope you will follow along in my journey. There will be more posts to come so stay tuned. There is a lot going on in my life right now, especially health wise and school wise. If you want to learn a little more about that, please visit my IG account. I am starting my Instagram account from the ground up, and I will not stress about how many followers I have. I show me: the good, bad, and sometimes even ugly. But despite my faults, I know I have a lot to offer. I have a lot to learn from others as well. My focus for my IG account, AND this blog, is to create a positive space to give and receive support, make connections, and document the major happenings of my life, capture the good (and sometimes the difficult) through pictures and writing, and hopefully I can help others along the way. I will not get so wrapped up in these accounts where I feel the need to scroll, the need to take the perfect pictures to the point where it takes me out of the moment, because I want to be in each and every moment. I want to feel all the feels, and enjoy every second of this crazy ride.

Much love,

Blackbird ❤

Cutting Ties

It has been a long time since I have blogged. In fact, for a while I was second guessing this little blog of mine, thinking I might just throw in the towel…

But, that is not in my nature. So here I am at 7:45 am, staring at this screen allowing my creativity to come naturally. There is something so peaceful about waking up when the world is still asleep. Yesterday I slept in until noon, and while that was needed, I think I much prefer to wake early and enjoy the cool morning air and quietness. I am loving just laying in bed looking out the window at nature and it’s stillness.

Which brings me to today’s topic – cutting ties.

Not with a person, but rather with a…something.

It has been about a week since I disabled my Instagram account. Now you may be thinking…

WHAT? WHY would you do that? How can you live like that? How will you survive? Which, I think is a common response.

OR, you may be thinking…

So what? It is just an IG account – and if that is the case, I applaud you.

You see, Instagram has always been a struggle for me. It’s like a game of tug-o-war. It is a double edge sword. Yes, it has blessed me with the opportunity to follow and meet some amazing individuals who share similar struggles, but it has also lead me into this spiral of self-absorbed negativity. As much as I hate to admit that – I’m putting it all out on the table.

Instead of enjoying the moment, I would think about what would be the best picture. My mind would be focused on how I look (which I have enough problems with anyway, thanks to mental illness), how my pictures can look their best, what arrange of pictures I would include on my account to tie the whole thing together, and so on.

Is that really anyway to live??

Sure – it was also good promotion for this little blog. But then that begs the question: What am I blogging for? Who am I blogging for?

Am I blogging to make my blog well-known and gain some notoriety? Am I blogging for others? Or am I blogging for myself?

I like to think that I am blogging for others AND for myself. You know what? Who cares if my blog isn’t well known. That isn’t what matters to me. I write for the sake of writing. I write because I love it. Writing is a way to express oneself – I think one of the best creative outlets there is. While I blog to (hopefully) help and connect with others and provide them with some hope, I am also writing for me. There is something so freeing about sitting down and writing a story, or writing whatever is on my mind, documenting my journey as I grow and change.

So I am thankful for that anxiety/OCD attack that lead me to disabling my Instagram. It started out as a compulsion, and lead to something beautiful. This past week I have actually had time to do other things. Rather than scrolling through Instagram at night, I have started some new Netflix series, journaled in my new little sloth journal from Barnes and Noble, and colored. I spent time enjoying my own company. I could get more school work done. Who knows, maybe in the near future I will completely delete my IG account. And you know what? I think I would be okay with it.

But what I don’t think I would be okay with, is getting rid of this blog. Every blogger will go through a rut from time to time when writing will be challenging. When nothing seems to come to mind. When one feels a creative block. It is about working through that and knowing that something, in time, will come. It does not always have to be so planned or forced. Then again, that goes back to the purpose of one’s blog – and everyone is different. I am not suggesting that there is a good or bad way to blog. However, the only slippery slope is when we get so wrapped up in technology and the digital world, that we stop living in the real world.

This is dangerous, and it is SO EASY to do.

So I will continue to blog. I will continue to write. I don’t know how many people this blog reaches, but if it touches just one person, I am happy.

And – you will not be able to find me on IG. You can find me on Facebook, but I rarely go on or post. Same with twitter. I like it that way. I think I am going to keep it that way.

This blog is really my only means of connection outside my actual life. It is my outlet which hopefully helps or inspires some of you. Because it comes down to this: I write to grow and create.

Who wants to join me on this journey?

Natural Hair and Bare Faces

Let’s talk about the fact that society says that women need to either a) enhance their features, or b) change how they look.

Let’s talk about the number of eating disorders present in the United States alone.

Let’s talk about how corrupt our society can actually be.

And let’s talk about what we can do to go against the grain. How can we be authentically ourselves? How do we get to a place where we do not feel this overwhelming pressure to conform to societal standards that, let’s face it, resemble that of perfection?

Let’s talk about natural hair and bare faces.

I’m no body-positive guru that is here to preach about how we all need to love how we look. How we need to feel confident in our skin and in our bodies all of the time, because we are each beautiful in our own unique ways, blah, blah, blah.

I don’t want to say that is a load of crap, but…

As someone who has struggled with a relentless eating disorder for seven years, I know it’s not that simple. Being in recovery for a solid two years, I still struggle, immensely I might add, with body image. I think the key though, is to start off small.

As a child, I always hated my hair. I thought that the only beautiful hair was straight hair, and I did not have that. I was cursed with this awful curly, frizzy mess. I spent countless hours straightening my hair, trying to get it poker straight, flat, and smooth. It has taken me a long time to be able to embrace my natural hair, and now, I truly do! And NOT just because I am lazy! In all seriousness though, I have grown to love my hair, and I have learned and am still learning that beauty takes many forms.

Makeup. Let’s talk about that. There seems to be this unwritten rule that states that women cannot look presentable unless they have on makeup.

Not. True.

Just like any other girl, I do enjoy getting dolled up from time to time, doing my makeup and feeling “put together” if you will. HOWEVER, I feel even better when I come home, and can take it all off – ridding my face of the cakey BB cream, face powder and blush. Taking off my mascara. Letting my pores breathe again. It’s honestly such a good feeling. And why can’t we take this feeling with us when we leave the house? I am getting more and more comfortable going out with my natural hair and makeup-free. I am learning to accept the parts of myself that I once hated. I am starting off small. Embracing my natural hair and skin is no easy feat. But the more comfortable with myself I become and the more I leave the house my natural self, the easier it gets. Loving my hair and skin can be hard, but loving my body can be even harder. I hope that this growing confidence in one area can transfer over to my body as a whole, and who knows, one day it just might. But we need to take small steps, and of course take it one step at a time. We can start by not feeding into these God-awful standards that society has set for women in particular. I know I said I wasn’t the body-positive guru, but I am going to get slightly corny here while telling you the truth at the same time: the body that you have, the features that God blessed you with, is beautiful. You don’t need the hair straighteners, the blow dryers, the makeup, the nail polish. Sure, that stuff is nice sometimes. When it becomes dangerous is when you think you cannot leave the house without it. When your self-worth and self-esteem rides solely on your appearance. Be cautious of this.

Let your hair down. Let your skin breathe.

Your okay.

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Untethered

I wake up. It’s 9 am and I see the sun shining through my window and feel the warmth touching my face. It feels so nice to wake up by my internal clock, and not by an obnoxiously loud beeping alarm. I feel refreshed. Not too sleepy to where I cannot keep awake. So I comfortably and easily swing my legs over the side of my bed and stretch. My body elongates and I feel nothing but gratitude; for my wrinkles, curves, fat, muscles, skin, freckles, scars. My imperfections do not bother me. In fact, I embrace each and every one of them. I acknowledge that the parts of me that were once was hated and abused are perfect in their own way. I wrap my arms around myself giving my body a gentle hug. Because all of these years I know that’s what it always wanted. Its what it always needed.

I make a cup of coffee and watch the creamy almond milk turn my coffee to a delicious warm brown. I pour just the right amount of sugar. I eat my breakfast and plop onto the chair at my kitchen table, opening up my laptop. I enjoy scrolling through and reading all my favorite blogs. I soak up the beautiful and wise words of others. As I read, I take bits and pieces from each post, retaining the information at my own pace and in my own time.

I get ready for the day – brush my teeth and wash my face, and leave my hair as is. It is messy and curly and tangly, but I like it that way. Its my natural hair and I do not mind it. Actually, I kind of like it. I take one glance at myself in the mirror, and part from it until the evening. I don’t need it today.

I ride my bike through country and down by the lake, taking the winding trails for hours. I feel the wind blow through my hair. I know it’s got to be changing the way my hair looked from the morning, maybe even messing it up. But I do not care. I am too busy enjoying the moment. I feel alive. I feel free. I tilt my head up and squint at the sun, feeling the rays penetrate through my pores.

When I finally arrive back home, I take out a juicy red apple and open a fresh jar of creamy almond butter. It makes for the best snack, and I feel satisfied knowing I filled my body with some good nutrients.

I read a new book. A memoir, a collection of poetry, or the newest fiction – anything that can take me into a different realm or world for a while. It makes me think about life; the struggles, the beauty, love and loss. I laugh and cry – I feel each emotion as I venture through the pages, appreciating every word.

It is now 9 pm. I had my dinner. I spent some time with family and with my boyfriend. We laughed until tears were rolling down our cheeks. My boyfriend is so funny – we always have such a fun time together. He knows how to make me laugh, and because of him I learned that life is meant to be enjoyed. I now know that I must live my life to the fullest and embrace it all. Feelings are a part of life, not something to be feared.

I climb into my bed and feel my head on the cool pillow. Snuggled in warm blankets, I lay there and talk to God. I thank Him for such a beautiful day. I thank Him for giving me a second chance. I thank Him for all he has blessed me with, despite the things I have done. Tears begin to fill my eyes because I am overwhelmed with emotion; I feel His love pouring over me, and I am still. Peacefully, I close my eyes and fall asleep.

You Are Still Loveable

Valentine’s Day…it has never been my favorite holiday. Sure I like it for the chocolate and the little gifts I get (and so appreciate) from my loving parents. And I have to admit, it has always been more fun when I have been in a relationship. But Valentine’s Day does not have to be celebrated only if you are in a relationship with someone. I do want to say that yes, I am currently in a serious relationship that has been so good for me. It is a lot of give and take. Well, quite often I feel like it is a lot of taking on my end, and not enough giving. The reason I feel this way is because I suffer from anxiety and other mental illnesses, as well as chronic illnesses. And I get it, everyone has something. No one is perfect. We all have flaws. We all have struggles. But sometimes, I feel like there is A LOT of baggage that comes with me. And my chronic illnesses, well, they are not always easy to deal with. But honestly, the thing that I feel extra guilty about, the thing that has always pushed other people away in the past, is my mental illness. My eating disorder, my severe anxiety, my depression. I mean, who wants to deal with that?

Well, I finally found someone who will go to any length to make me smile, who will try his hardest when I am in an anxiety attack to find words of comfort. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I am so blessed.

But back to my main point: I want you to know that if you suffer from anxiety disorders, depression, or any other mental illness, DO NOT LOSE HOPE when it comes to relationships. I am not the easiest person to be in a relationship with half the time (just to put it plain and simple). But maybe, we are better at it then we think. When you find the right person, that person will love and accept every part of you. And you, in turn, will feel more comfortable being yourself and going to that person when you need a hand, hug, or shoulder to cry on. And sure, your anxiety might be annoying or aggravating at times to that person, because he/she is only human too! But that person will accept you with your disorders or perceived flaws. They will look at the whole you instead of that one part of you. They will not be annoyed by you (maybe by your anxious or depressive thoughts once in a while, but not by you). They will love you unconditionally and do what they can to help you or make you feel better. For the longest time, I thought I was unlovable. I thought I would never be in a solid, healthy relationship, never get married, never find true happiness. Slowly but surely, God and the universe is proving me wrong. We are all deserving of love. We are all deserving of a happy, healthy life. And my advice to all of my friends who spent this Valentine’s Day without a significant other or felt lonely, is to have patience with yourself. Shower yourself with some love because before anything, you need to love yourself. This does not mean that you have to fully love yourself 100% of the time to be in a relationship. That certainly is not the case. Self-love is an ongoing process. Something that we need to work at every day. It may come easier to some than it does to others. For me, it has not been an easy journey. But I am on the journey none the less, and I am learning to love and accept myself more and more each day. You do not NEED a significant other to celebrate Valentine’s Day. All you need is you, and of course, family and friends matter and mean everything too! But if you felt lonely this Valentine’s Day, and if you suffer from anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses in particular, I hope you show yourself extra kindness and give yourself grace. Know that everything happens in its perfect timing, and you are loveable, and you are beautiful, and you are special, and you are deserving of good things. And if you don’t have anyone who can tell you that or show you, you are at least hearing it from me. But please, hear it from yourself, too. Happy late Valentine’s Day, friends. And if you didn’t do something nice for yourself, go buy yourself some chocolate :).

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Does Social Media Help Chronic Illness Sufferers, or Hurt Them? My Thoughts

 

I have grown my chronic illness Instagram quite a bit over the last year and a half, and I have met some amazing, strong individuals and connected with a lot of great people. But sometimes, I feel as though chronic illness can be looked at as a competition: who is the sicker one? Who takes the most medication? Who sees the most doctors? Who has the most diagnoses?

And – I am not saying that the chronic illness community on Instagram in particular is giving off this vibe on purpose. And I am also not saying that I am not contributing to this competitiveness within the community, because I very well could be. I look at it as a similar problem that is seen in the eating disorder community. One has to be very careful and selective of the people that one follows in the ed community, because it is soooo easy for Instagram to become the “who has the worst eating disorder” competition. And, as someone who suffered from Anorexia for eight years, I can safely say that a part of eating disorders is comparing yourself to others, and trying/wanting to look the “thinnest” or the “sickest.” And if you aren’t the thinnest or the sickest, you do not belong in treatment. This was my mentality. It’s sick and twisted, but I was sick…very sick. And it’s no different with chronic illness. The community that is built to support one another can so easily be turned into a competition if not careful. People, by no fault of their own, can get trapped in this cycle of seeing posts about doctors, medicines, blood pressure and heart rate numbers (which, by the way, I am guilty of posting) and feel like they are not sick enough or that they need to post more of these pictures, too. I feel this way sometimes. Scrolling through IG does not always leave me feeling better. In fact, at times it makes me worse. It makes me feel like maybe, I don’t belong in this chronic illness community on Instagram. I see the pictures of the doctor appointments, medications, and numbers…and I get anxious. I feel as though I need to post more of those things, and so I do, whenever I can or get the chance. And there I am, sucked into this vicious cycle or black hole where I am not really living my life, but engulfed in the IG world and defined by my illnesses. And trust me, that is NOT how I want to live. I don’t need pictures to prove to myself, and to others, how sick I am or that I really am sick to begin with.

Don’t get me wrong, IG has been great in that it has allowed me to make connections with others and gain support of people who get it. It has allowed me to support others who are going through similar issues. Not only that, but it has served as a good way to keep track of how I am doing. For that, I am so grateful for my account and the community. I think, we just need to be aware of the extent to which social media and the community can start to effect us in a negative way. If you find that you feel worse about yourself after scrolling on social media, or if you feel like you have to prove how sick you are, or if you start wondering if you even belong in the community or meet the criteria to be called a spoonie, then maybe social media is becoming more toxic than helpful. And I think we have to be mindful of this, and honest with ourselves about how advantageous our social media accounts really are. And of course, everyone has a different experience. Some people absolutely may not feel this way. Maybe it is my obsessive compulsive disorder and competitive nature that starts twisting things around.

Call me crazy, I just think that sometimes we get so wrapped up in social media that we forget that we actually have lives to live. And I want to do a little more living and a little less scrolling.

social media

What are your thoughts? Does social media bring out your competitive side? How does social media impact you as a chronic illness or eating disorder sufferer?

Liebster Award Nomination

Hello everyone! I am so excited to have been nominated for the Liebster Award. This little blog is brand new, and when the notification popped up on my phone that I was nominated, I couldn’t wait to get started in creating this post! (Although, I had to wait a little bit because I was at my internship when I saw this.) It was such a nice surprise, and to know that someone likes my blog thus far and is looking forward to what more I have to say, it means the world. Thank you Kaitlyn from With Being Alive! If you have not seen her blog, definitely stop by and check it out. Her writing is inspiring as she discusses mental health and recovery, and she includes the simple joys of life in her posts. Her blog is overall, just a great read, so I suggest you head over there.

liebster awardThe rules are:
1. Create a new post thanking the person who nominated you.
2. Provide a link to their blog.
3.Include the award graphic.
4. Answer the questions provided.
5. Nominate 10 recently followed bloggers and share your post with them, so they can see it.
6. Make a new set of 10 questions for your nominees to answer

My questions from With Being Alive are:

  1. What is your favorite song and why? Picking one favorite song is difficult, so I have to say, really anything Ed Sheeran. I love his music. His lyrics always speak to me. Right now, I am really liking the song Perfect. I love everything about the song and the music video! It is so relatable to me and just awesome because I am a skier… But if you haven’t seen that music video, I suggest watching! It’s really sweet – if your into that kind of thing!
  2. Where is the best place you have been? Oh, gosh. I have actually been to a lot of places – and to pick one is so difficult! The Thousand Islands in the St. Lawrence River holds a special place in my heart, as does the British Virgin Islands! Both places are special for me, and so beautiful in their own unique ways! In Europe, two places I would love to go back to and see more of, are Switzerland and Austria. I am definitely an Alps kind of girl. The mountains are so beautiful to me, and represent strength, adventure, and comfort.
  3. What is something truly amazing that you have seen? You know, I think the most amazing thing that I have seen, has been people undergoing self-transformations and breaking out of their destructive ways. At one time in my life, I was surrounded by people struggling with similar demons as I was, and I was inspired by so many of them. And to see these people break away and find their voice, and find themselves, nothing is more remarkable than that.
  4. Who is your role model? I have several role models. And to be honest, most of them I no longer talk to. But there are a handful of people that left a handprint on my heart when I was most broken, and most vulnerable. Without their compassion, care, and help, I don’t know if I would be where I am today. And for that and for them, I am forever grateful. Oh, and my parents, too 🙂
  5. If you were only able to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Oh, goodness. Can you tell I am a bit indecisive? Due to my chronic illnesses, I have dietary restrictions and regulations to follow, which makes this question a bit tricky. But I guess I will have to say: fruit (anything with fructose) cause, I need that sh**, beef jerky, salmon (and any fish really, but salmon’s my favorite), my creamy and crunchy peanut butter, and honey. Haha, see how hard this question is??
  6. What’s a weird dream that you have had recently? It’s not really weird, but I think it gets at the heart of my fears. I was at a big hospital, like Cleveland Clinic. And they said that I was misdiagnosed, but that they would straighten it out and properly diagnose me. The doctors were telling me that they could figure out all that’s left to figure out with no problem and no hassle. And then my mom mentioned that the reason I had all of these health problems was because of the relationship that I had in high school and through the beginning of college (which, for the record, was very toxic). BUT, had nothing to do with the health problems I have now, soooo yeah that part was weird.
  7. How has your day been today? It’s been good. I worked my part time job this morning, which actually always puts me in a good mood. I have just been so exhausted, so I’m laying low and spending today resting: writing, reading, and television.
  8. How did you come up with your blog’s name? It just sort of came to me. People call me bear (my name is Claire) and I like to think that I am finally finding balance in this crazy world where I previously viewed everything from a very black and white perspective. It’s hard not to have that mindset, because it’s so drilled into me. I am definitely a perfectionist and have my own cognitive distortions, but I am working on it.
  9. Describe yourself in three words: empathetic, introverted, anxious.
  10. Of your own blog posts, which one is your favorite? To The Doctor Who Told Me He Could No Longer Help Me; Quote of The Month – January The first is from my previous blog that I am no longer contributing to, and the second is my favorite from this new blog where I will be focusing all of my energy. The first is one of my favorites because it is 100% heartfelt and of an issue close to me. But the second is more hopeful and of a broader lense, so take your pick or read both!
  11. Where would you most like to travel to? Would LOVE to see Australia and New Zealand at some point during my lifetime.

My questions for my nominees are as follows:

  1. What is your favorite part about blogging?
  2. Are you more of a phone or planner user to keep track of your day to day activities/appointments?
  3. What is your favorite icecream flavor?
  4. What is the best form of self-care? What brightens your day or helps you during hard times?
  5. What is one thing that really annoys you?
  6. What are you currently reading?
  7. What is your favorite holiday and why?
  8. Would you rather watch sports or play sports?
  9. Are you a night owl or an early riser?
  10. Do you have any pets? If so, what kind and what are their names?

My nominations for the Liebster Award are:

Simply Introspective

With Love, Madeline

Mind Body Mito

Chronically Caroline

Shits and Giggles

Em Recovers

Blue Jay of Happiness

Reviving Emily

Keep Glowing

A Tale of Chronic Illness

Thanks everyone for sticking by and reading this! I am looking forward to blogging more, and connecting with all of you.

 

New Year, Better Me

Hello everyone! I have returned to WordPress. I previously had a blog on here that I was so dedicated to. Then I switched my blog around leaving WordPress, and wrote just every so often. I missed WordPress, I missed blogging, and I missed this community. So one of my New Years resolutions, or, goals, was to get back on the blogging bandwagon – and that’s what I am doing. When I couldn’t sleep at 3 am, I decided to put this site together, and I am excited for what is to come.

New Years…I’m pretty sure that I wrote a post a year ago on why I DON’T like New Years resolutions. Well, I think I am changing my tune, because this year, I’ve made quite a few! I think it depends on how you look at your resolutions, and what the purpose is. AND – that is the beautiful thing about us humans – we are constantly changing, growing, and evolving into better and different versions of ourselves. It is totally okay for me to dislike New Years goals (resolutions) one year, and warm up to them the next and actually get excited for having goals that I can accomplish in the next 365 days. Notice my title: New Year, Better Me. Not New Year, New Me. Because, it isn’t a new me. I am not changing who I am as a person. Rather, I am working to better myself as a person. That’s the key. Our goal shouldn’t be to change who we are, the essence of our beings. The goal is to improve upon ourselves and keep building that solid foundation that makes us the wonderful individuals that we are. There was a time where my New Years goals were very surface level goals. I wouldn’t say superficial, because that undermines everything that I have been through. But my goals were never made in the image and likeness of improving myself as an actual person. Now, I have come to realize that with the right intentions in mind, New Years resolutions can actually be quite powerful. Not to say that those who make their resolutions to eat healthy and lose weight do not have ‘good enough’ resolutions. That is not what I’m getting at here. Because those ARE good resolutions, if done for the right reasons. For example, someone with an eating disorder should probably not make their New Years resolution be ‘to lose weight. ‘Just saying. But for some, eating right and losing weight is a perfectly healthy and good resolution to make! Get my point? I hope so because that was a long ramble about resolutions without actually stating any of my own resolutions! So – I will spare you and cut to the chase. Goals and/or resolutions give us incentive. They give us motivation to achieve and conquer what we set out to accomplish. They give us hope and help us to reach our full potential. So this year, I put some thought into my resolutions, and I wanted to share them with all of you.

New Years Resolutions 2018

  1. Follow the Paleo/Ketogenic Diet to better manage my chronic illness symptoms. Stick with it. Every day. Make the right choices.
  2. Going off of that, learn to cook more for myself. I was never really one to cook and bake, but now that I am on a special diet to manage my chronic illnesses, it’s about time I learned how to do this for myself. Cooking and baking is something I actually do enjoy, so making time for it and making it a priority will be the challenge that I am willing and ready to take on.
  3. Take my supplements – 4x a day like I should.
  4. Do my PT exercises at least twice every day, especially on non busy days – no excuses. They will only help me to get stronger.
  5. Read a new book each break I have from school. So, I am to finish Turtles All The Way Down before returning to school at the end of January.
  6. Ski on my trip to the mountains for at least half a day. Doing my PT exercises in the meantime will help me to build up the strength to do this.
  7. Write. Journal. Blog. Use my writing as a creative outlet. Continue to write for The Mighty and blog once a week.
  8. Keep in contact with friends. During the semester, I tend to lose contact with people, immersing myself in my studies and work. It is important that I keep friend time a part of my routine. It doesn’t have to be weekly, but I do have to make time for friends, especially with social anxiety.
  9. Read my daily devotion each morning to set me on track for the day and remind me of what really matters.
  10. Fill my jar of good things with good times throughout 2018. I may write a post later on this little craft that is such a cool and different way to practice gratitude and positivity.

So that’s that! I look forward to connecting with all of you, reading your blogs, and writing content for others as well as myself – cause that’s important too! Happy New Year!

Tell Me: Do you like to make New Years Goals/Resolutions? What are some of yours for 2018?